So today I was at a church picnic and after making my plate of two cookies and a turkey sandwich, I migrated over to my grandparents table. I had breakfast like two hours ago so I wasn't really hungry or eating the food I did have. Anyways, before I go on I should provide some back-story. *Cue music of your preference*
In my family, for some odd reason, the old women have a twisted view on beauty. Your skin has to be a perfect complexion, you have to be lean, you're boyfriend or girlfriend has to be attractive to be accepted and if you have a baby, it better be gorgeous too.( Like...what baby isn't gorgeous again?) Here's the sick part, NONE of these old bats fit the descriptions that they force upon the younger generations of our family.It's safe to say that no, I don't deal with this section of my family at all and neither do a lot of the nieces nephews and children of that generation. Like my mom for instance, she has always raised me to believe that all girls are beautiful. It doesn't matter your body type, eye shape, skin color, hair length or face shape. We're all works of art.
My grandmother is a part of that older generation and she's always been around that negative way of thinking. However, she's different in the fact that she's one of the sweetest people you will ever meet and she doesn't make an effort to hurt people's self worth. That doesn't mean none of their ways of thinking havent rubbed off on her. Still, imagine my surprise when I came over to the table, she looks me up and down and with a smile, says, "You're gaining weight. Maybe you should by your clothes in a bigger size." My heart dropped and all I could think to do was to laugh it off. On the inside though, I couldn't even will myself to look at the untouched food on my plate. Gained weight? I kept thinking. But I've lost weight since the beginning of the summer. I weighed around 124 in july but recently noticed that somehow that dropped to 118 in those months. I mean, I'm no stick but 118 pounds stretching over a girl who's 5'9 seems quite healthy to me.
I found myself at home later, sitting on the treadmill wondering what else about me was wrong or unattractive? Did I dress bad? Did my hairstyle make my nose seem even bigger than it already is? Is this the reason that gorgeous boy from church didn't give me a second glance?
Being religious, on Sundays my grandparents have literally tried to squeeze me into the same puffy sleeved communion dress I wore when I was ten, and not to mention the baggy clothes sets from the fourteen hundreds. Each time I've dodged it though, making an excuse or never really trying it on and claiming I'm much to tall for whatever mermaid man or barnacle boy suit they've prepared for me. My sister however, hasn't always been so lucky and since she's shorter and younger, she had the unfortunate privilege of spending an entire day in the same puffy dress my mother wore when she was seven. BUT MY SISTER IS THIRTEEN. I didn't really think about any of this until my sister approached the table next. Today, she'd been lucky enough to dress herself since we hadn't stayed the night at their house. Like me, she was wearing skinny jeans and a reasonable top. My grandmother looked her up and down, and told her the exact thing she'd told me. "You're getting thick. We need to take you shopping for some bigger clothes."
By then, it was pretty clear that she had a huge problem with our outfit choices(though I swear we were dressed decently). Because the only way to say my little sister is fat is you're looking through the mirrors in a fun house. Okay, you don't like us wearing skinny jeans to church, whatever. But the look on my sisters face was worse than mine and I found myself leading her away on immediate damage control to make sure she hadn't been as effected by I was by the comment.
Isn't it amazing how one comment can completely shatter a persons self worth? It's like a cycle. I remember a few months ago at my grandmas house; her sister in law was visiting and she said something along the lines of, "You know, you're the only one of your sisters who gained weight as you got older." *cough* BULL! GET A NEW PAIR OF GLASSES OLD LADY! YOU"RE NO SLENDERMAN YOURSELF!
What was up with that? Seriously. I mean, I hate to be discriminatory because I know that all older people are not like this, but what is it with senior citizens being so focused on looks?! Ever heard that, "Oh, you're gonna be a heart breaker when you get older," comment? Why must we draw so much attention to looks and attraction? It's bad enough it's all around us in media but hey, why not start 'em off only in your own family?
So that was a little rant that I thought I'd share with you guys. I used to do regular blog posts like this more often so if you liked this, let me know and I'll try to do more in this kind of format.
Have a great week and remember no matter what anyone says(or their intentions) God made you who are you are for a reason. Don't let the way people see you affect the way you see the beauty in yourself or in others. Enjoy the rest of your day and if I don't post again in the next two weeks, just know I've been arrested for chasing old people around in a grim reaper costume.